NEW PARENT EXPECTATIONS

So I don't want to be a Debbie downer but being a parent is really really really hard. I don't think I understood that until it (Connor) happened to me. When you're pregnant with your first baby you are so overwhelmed with excitement -understandably! You research all of the best "baby essentials", pinning every "what you need to know" article on Pinterest and buying those cute outfits that will eventually have explosive baby poop all over them. Did I say that? Whoops. Those are some fun times! Now I'm not saying once baby arrives there is no more fun. It's just a different kind of fun and it all has to do with your expectations.

A lot of people - friends, family and a surprisingly many strangers would tell me , "get your sleep now!" or " your life is going to change!". What did I do? I laughed it off. How much could my life possible change? I literally work, watch Netflix and eat. I did not realize it would be pretty much impossible to do any of those things once baby was here. That gets me thinking, when was the last time I showered?

I am going to be honest and admit that I had a really hard time adapting to parenthood. It was not all happiness and fun like it portrayed on social media. I cried every day and night. Not only was I recovering, I was tired, frustrated and overwhelmed. I felt unprepared. I had the diapers, wipes, swaddles and everything that those "baby essentials" articles say to have. So why did I feel this way? I was not prepared for my world to be turned upside down. Suddenly my life was not mine anymore. It 100% revolved around this little tiny being, whom I loved so much it hurt. I kept thinking to myself, "why didn't anyone TELL me it was going to be this hard". But they did, and often! Now that I'm sort of sane now, I do not blame myself. I realized that no one can prepare you for this. You jump in with both feet and survive the best way you can. I believe most, if not all mothers go through this in some degree. Let me tell you something, it gets better. 

Those infamous words every "been there done that" parent has said a million times. It gets better. Let's be honest, hearing that does not make you feel any better. Time flies but also drags like no other during those difficult times. But seriously, it does get better. Until you go through other terrible phases (joking, kind of). 

There are so many things that change the moment you become a parent. I knew this when I was pregnant but I didn't really know until December 3, 2014, the day Connor was born. 

SLEEP. Let me tell you, I thought I was sleep deprived when I was pregnant. Oh. My. God. I cannot even begin to describe the sleep deprivation after having a baby. Hallucinations and falling asleep standing up became a reality I never thought would exist! It's definitely the worst during those first few months. Technically it got better but after 10 months, Connor still wakes up at 3am every night. But let me tell you, that's better than 10pm, 12am, 2am, 4am, 6am. As hard as those early weeks were, those are times I will never get back. Feeding my baby and bonding during those quiet night time hours are precious times. My advice to you is to cherish and I mean really cherish those moments. I will never get to hold newborn Connor in the middle of the night while he falls asleep in my arms ever again. During my worst nights I would tell myself, this moment will never happen again. I still tell myself this to get through tough times. 

I swear I didn't write this blog to discourage anyone from having kids. Having Connor in my life is the best thing that ever happened. Seriously, the best. I cannot imagine my life without him. It is a life change that's all. I wanted to help and encourage other mommies or soon-to-be mommies who felt or may feel the same way I did at first. Expect life to be a little jumbled for awhile. Life is a roller coaster, enjoy the ride! And remember, it gets better. 

[picture of Connor's first day home, a moment I'll never have again]